allie jean p

girl on the internet. she/they. raging lesbian.

hearing her voice really does make my day a little bit brighter

i have just handed in my resignation at libera.chat, as well as cancelling my hackerspace membership and putting a bunch of other responsibilites in the bin.

it was an incredibly challenging thing to do – i am generally someone who steps into positions of responsibility, mostly out of a desire to spare other people of that particular set of headaches.

a couple of recent occurences forced me to introspect and KonMari my responsibilities; realising that very few parts of my unpaid/volunteer life spark joy encouraged me to shed those parts of my life, at least for now.

i might pick these things up again eventually, but... certainly not soon.

onwards, to better things.

i dropped her off at the station this morning – we cried together last night, and we cried together as we got to the station.

the best part, though? knowing i'll see her again in just over two weeks. knowing that this isn't an end, but a beginning.

i am mourning two weeks spent sleeping alone, but i am so very excited for everything that is to come.

the sky is especially blue today, the birds are singing a little sweeter, and life is good.

i'm in love.

wow.

my therapist asked me the other day why my email address still contains the name my parents gave me, and why, despite being so openly fucking trans on the internet, most of my work still seems to happen under that name.

i mean, we know why. it's that subtle fear of rejection that's so familiar to anyone who's spent time playing with gender. but... she was right.

so, i bought a new domain (real bad habit, huh) and threw a little writefreely instance behind it.

and i wrote down my name, for what is, i think, the first time i've actually committed to it.

i'm allie, i'm not a man, and this is where i'm going to talk about that, and many other things besides.

this is not a clean, sanitised work persona. this is me learning to be myself, and learning to love the footprints i leave behind.

add me to your rss reader and stay a while; it should be a pretty cool ride. <3

yours faithfully, allie